YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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