I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Randomize
