New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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