god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
are you so shy because you have an std?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
