I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
