apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
