just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
