Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
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