Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
