I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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