when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
