he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The air taste purple.
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