I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
