TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize