think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my being single is dangerous.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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