I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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