Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
