hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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