My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
