Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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