I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
