My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
