i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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