so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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