Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
