I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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