I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
