you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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