this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
