I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
FUCK WHALES
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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