I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
