Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
