you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
