Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
