found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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