We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
