what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
