She's JV to your varsity
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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