only you would photoshop your dick
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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