dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize