i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
