i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
