at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
