hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
