I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize