just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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