Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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