do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
