Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
