So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
