Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
