my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
