bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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