Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
