Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
