I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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