i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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