and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
