that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
They took my balls.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm having to shit out rocks
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
