she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
