I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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