I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
