well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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