you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
