Fine. I'll sleep in my office
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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