so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
